Envoking Sacred Love
How do we find the ineffable spiritual presence in our relationship?
Sacred love is a mystical experience. The body may tremble or experience a profound calm. It may create wild images or a simple, steady light in one’s being. There is always the sense of another presence, a holy presence, a sacred presence.
What Is Sacred Love?
So much of our love experience focuses on the subject of our love — the other person. They are so special, unique, different, and perfect for us. We desire them, and we commit to them. We are captivated by them. Sacred love brings in another element, however. It holds the relationship rather than the person. While the lovers still have each other in the tremendous esteem of different flavors of love, sacred love insists that there is something else — God. It points to the spiritual aspect, the joy, and the beauty of the relationship as a relationship.
Sacred love is the presence of a third being — the holy spirit or God. Godly love is mystical; you can’t speak of it directly. It is known through innuendo, receptivity, and letting go of control so that love, our lover, and God can sweep us away.
Sacred love comes in those moments when we let go. That’s when it takes us and carries us.
It can be felt in exceptional moments of sexual expression when the spirit comes into lovemaking. It can ride in on a wave of just the right music. Its essence is mystery and ecstasy.
Goethe Describes Sacred Love
In sacred love, our relationship holds by an unseen force that constellates when the subject of one’s love appears. That unseen force overtakes, lifts, occupies, and possesses you. That force is its mystery. Goethe spoke of this mystery in this poem, translated by Robert Bly.
THE HOLY LONGING
Tell a wise person, or else keep silent,
Because the Massman will mock it right away.
I praise what is truly alive,
what longs to be burned to death.
In the calm water of love nights.’
where you were begotten, where you have produced,
a strange feeling comes over you
when you see the silent candle burning.
Now you are no longer caught
in the obsession with darkness,
and a desire for higher lovemaking
sweeps you upward.
Distance does not make you falter,
now, arriving in magic, flying,
and finally, insane for the light,
you are the butterfly, and you are gone.
And so long as you haven’t experienced
this: to die and so to grow,
you are only a troubled guest
on the dark earth.
The sacred experience carries us away. The death he speaks of is the letting go of our commitment to the small parts of ourselves so that our higher self can experience — that is, so that the sacred may enter. If you have not experienced love like this, “you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth.” You’ve suffered all it means to be human yet missed the gift.
The Gift of Sacred Love
The gift of sacredness opens the spiritual corner of the heart. It lets each partner bring in a more significant part of themselves. Each can risk more of themselves and reap the benefits of that spiritual dimension.
The Shadow of Sacred Love
All bright and beautiful things cast a shadow. The shadow side of sacred love is this: It can be less personal. Taken too far, the lovers can lose focus on each other and therefore lose touch. It can bring love to a nonhuman level, a bit removed, and not fully engaged with the other person because of the focus on the spiritual. Spirit, as the old mythology tells us, always carries this danger. It is Icarus flying toward the sun in his chariot or the flying boy Puer who is detached from the actual being who is the subject of his love.
Authentic sacred love brings in a third element; it does not replace the dyadic relationship between man and woman with a dyadic relationship between the spirit and the man (or woman). When that happens, the other person transforms from the subject of love into an object, and human love is left behind. I have known some new-age people who have forgotten their partners in their quest for spiritually sacred love. I have also learned of Christians who turn their human love into a statement to and for God, forgetting their connection with their partner. Both situations can, on occasion, become devastating for the other person. So a conscious balance and mindful awareness are required.
How to Savor Sacred Love
Sacredness is ineffable. You experience it. Then it goes away.
To fully savor sacred love, you must signal to the spirit that it is welcome to arrive. Your openness is vital, but so is your attention. For example, one might prepare the space with music, candlelight, or space clearing in preparation for lovemaking. One might design their own heart with a prayer of gratitude. Just because you act doesn’t mean it will come. Your lover may not be in the same space as you, or maybe the spirit isn’t ready.
When sacred love arrives, you tend it. You hold it. You support it. And then you let it go.
Letting go is an act of faith that will return, and it always does. Letting go also provides a chance to celebrate sacredness. You savor it immediately and again afterward — in rich talk, joy, beautiful imagery, writing, or music. Creative exploration is savoring.
Sacred love draws us into our higher selves. It is a gift for the entire presentation. Prepare a space to see if it comes. If it does, experience it. When you let it go, celebrate its presence in your life.
