5 Key Principles to Sacred Sexuality
Sacred Sexuality is a deep integration of our early self, which becomes illuminated by the spiritual realm of pleasure, namely ecstatic sexual pleasure as an experience of wholeness with ourselves and one another. With God/Goddess, the Universe, all that is. So how do we reach these heightened levels of ecstasy and more profound connection? 5 key elements that branch out in multiple directions, leaving you, the practitioner, at choice for how and when you desire to bring it into your life.
1. Create a sacred space
Create a space in your home that feels good.
Clean up, pick up the socks off the floor, and put care into beautifying the space.
Bring the ambiance up in your surroundings by adding a few favorites, such as music and a burning candle, to symbolize transformation.
Welcome each other into the room with a gaze of devotion. If it feels right, you can place a hand over your heart
Sit face to face and take a few slow deep breaths together.
Share a few words of appreciation.
Invite to share fears and desires
Create an intention for your intimacy or lovemaking. What would you dedicate this love to? For Healing, Divinity?
Hold a reverence for yourself, your lover, and the union itself.
Consider praying, calling in the four directions, or envisioning a bubble encasing the two of you in a safe, loving space. The point here is to make it your own. As you begin touching or kissing one another, remember to move slowly and with reverence, for this body you are approaching is a precious manifestation of love. Make it a prayer.
Can you bring a quality of devotion into your intimacy or lovemaking? What would that look like? How would it feel?
"The higher meaning of sexual love, which should not be identified with the instinct for reproduction, is nothing other than to help both man and woman to become integrated inwardly (in soul and spirit) in the complete human or original divine image." ~Franz Von Baader
2. Safety
Safety is a crucial part of the ecstatic experience. Now I'm not just talking about using condoms, although that may also be applicable in many cases. What I'm mainly speaking of is emotional safety. Every one of us needs to feel safe to have intimacy with others. Without it, we will lack the freedom to express our needs, let alone our sexual desires. Safety in our sexual relations supports us in feeling accepted. It builds a more substantial self-relation, keeps us feeling accepted, and builds stronger self-esteem. Just take a moment to imagine what sex might be like when you or your partner are feeling unlovable and insecure, not very exciting or fulfilling. Emotional safety, as well as physical safety, gives us room to grow and expand.
How do we achieve a feeling of safety in our relationships?
Simple; Appreciation is the universal language of love because it is the food for nurturing self-esteem. Being appreciated by our mates helps us be more of the person we want to be. Positive acknowledgment of one another aids us in surviving in a world that often eats away feelings of significance and worth.
Affirming your partner's sense of sexual attractiveness and strength sexual attractiveness in the case of a male or sexual beauty and soft loveliness in the case of a female creates an immediate burst of feel-good chemicals in the brain.
These chemicals lead to feeling happy and bonded with your beloved. Comfortable and connected make an excellent pair for some very delicious lovemaking.
Try this: Before you make love, sit together face to face holding hands, and take a few deep breaths simultaneously. One of you will begin sharing what you most appreciate about the other. Take as long as you need. The other partner stays quiet and receives what they say - a heartfelt statement of what's true and accurate.
Be complimentary, be sweet, but most importantly, be authentic.
When you feel complete, take another deep breath together, switch roles, and allow the receiver to be the giver and share what they appreciate most about you.
Notice how you feel after this exercise, what opens up, and the difference this makes in your sacred lovemaking.
"No compliment is sweeter to the heart or cherished longer than one which appreciates the masculinity or femininity of one's partner. Conversely, no hurt is deeper, no attack remembered more painfully than one directed at one's sexual adequacy."
~Charlotte Ellen Clinebell
3. Presence - Awareness, Mindfulness, Consciousness.
It's all about fully showing up! You want to be there with your lover and bring your whole self. Why is it important to be present in lovemaking? Because being on autopilot is the enemy of not only conscious sex but also good sex. Staying present during sex and foreplay is the antidote. By visiting the current, you develop focus and concentration. You're better able to discipline your mind, especially when it goes into worst-case scenario mode, for example, fearing that you look fat or that she's not enjoying it or that you're not performing as well as you'd hoped or "Oh no, what if I lose my erection?" or "what if I can't come"? These are all common mental distractions that kill the sensual connection. Notice your thoughts and, in a non-judgmental way, gently guide your awareness back to the sensations you're having.
The best possible way to immediately bring yourself back to the present is to breathe! As you inhale, notice the sensation of air coming in through your nostrils, down into your chest, and filling your belly. Then see what happens when you exhale. Breathing helps you become aware of your body's experience, which is good for you and sex. It also helps to slow down the heat of passion so that you can absorb more of the deliciousness and be more available to the loving between you.
Focusing on sensations will help you maximize the full use of the experience, experience, experience, experience. Even the most subtle ones can be delightful. Nothing gets lost when you're entirely aware of what's happening. Now notice your hands. What are they doing? Open your eyes. What do you see? This type of mindfulness helps you pay attention to be better attuned to what you want and need and what's going on for your partner so you can respond better as a lover.
If thoughts or insecurities keep holding you back from being available to your lovemaking experience, try "presencing" that out loud. In other words, open up, and talk about it. Say, "I'm having difficulty staying present because... is in the way." You will come to appreciate and absorb what this moment offers you and invariably become a better, more conscious, and attentive lover.
"When you focus your attention to be present to every energetic fluctuation between you, you slow down time. Your lovemaking becomes an intuitive dance rather than a pre-choreographed strategy."
~Kim Anami
4. Enjoyment
"How much pleasure can you allow yourself to feel"?
It's common to find individuals who do not allow themselves to receive pleasure fully. The other issue comes when we don't ask for what we want/need. When we ask ourselves, "How much pleasure can I allow myself to feel at this moment," we are giving rest to our limited idea of what we think we deserve.
Men often will only feel enjoyment when their woman is being pleased. In contrast, many women can feel guilty about it being about her. There are many roadblocks to fully allowing ourselves to experience pleasure, especially regarding Sexuality. There's one thing that's important to understand. Pleasure can be a phenomenal vehicle for personal growth and self-awareness. Its ability to move through us and completely captivate our attention is a form of meditation that can support us in healing our bodies from all the stress-related diseases you can think of. However, many of us are unaware of how contracted we are inside, thus restricting our ability to know pleasure honestly.
That's right, not just to have an occasional pleasurable experience, but to honestly know the gift that pleasure brings. There's a vast need for healing in this area. Both men and women suffer from a combination of guilt, shame, and fear, disconnecting us from our pleasure and body. From early childhood, many of us learn to hold back our emotions which inevitably suppresses our sexual instincts. As more painful experiences accumulate, armoring creates around our bodies in an attempt to protect ourselves from being hurt.
The experience of ecstasy requires a letting go, a surrendering. Pleasure asks us to release our guarded exterior to know the sacred gift it indeed carries. This gift is God's sent. To touch bliss and ecstasy is among the most sublime human experiences, for it is from this place that we can genuinely know.
Please do not sell yourself short. You are a sexual being meant to experience pleasure and joy from this most sacred of unions. Givefully, but remember to receive just as passionately as you give. Moreover, pleasure and passion represent primal sources of wisdom and power.
5. Closing the Ritual
As you open that sacred space to create a sacred union between you, it is also important finding a way to Close that experience together. You may choose to express gratitude towards each other, and open a container for sharing from the heart.
